the road



Drifting apart slowly but surely, the sand no longer in between my toes.
I don't hear the sound of the waves anymore, my favorite song.

How did I end up on a highway? Awoken by the wheels screeching of memories past.
I want to go back, but I am lost. Lost.

The journey on my feet has taken its toll. 
Bloody. Sore from the heat of life, no longer protected by the shoes of grace.

I desire cool water to ease the pain... the place where time stood still and his hand held my heart.
That place, our place I will find again. 
There I will walk once more.

Happy New Year! Just wanted to share a song my friend wrote and sung featuring me:). Aaron(My husband) recorded it as a demo. Check it out, Im sure you will like it.
Kia ora

Well its been a while again since Ive blogged. Lately Ive been so busy with Christmas preparations for family as well as work. Retail is hectic during this time, but oh what a joy to sing carols about Jesus at work without it being awkward for everybody. Loved that the malls would play praise and worship to the king without knowing it.


Ive noticed emails being sent to me have been signed, "HAPPY HOLIDAYS" at the end of them. Not Merry Christmas. I understand that they want make everything politically correct, but do we say happy holidays every holiday we have? Uh no. Seems to be that only when the holiday has to do with Jesus, some are offended at his name and the meaning for the occasion. Like, how can you be scared of a baby Jesus being celebrated because of his birth. Come on people. 

Not having a rant, but whats up with that. People swear and use his name in vain and don't even realise. Yet when they say Merry Christmas... its all of a sudden not politically correct. I definitely know if I wasn't a follower of Christ I would respect the fact that a baby was born on Christmas day. His name being Jesus. Since the world has known of that special day for like... a couple thousand years.

Happy Halloween, Happy Easter Egg - Bunny, Happy flippin Labour Day weekend, Happy happy happy. But lets not remember the saviour that was born into this scummy world to save us from the crap we would be surrounded by and that we even make ourselves. Oh Lord... I love my country, but give us grace to be strong and not waiver to be liked by everyone else. To not be mediocre. We want to cater to every religion but the one that we use to stand for. 


Thank you Jesus that we remembered you on Christmas Day. Your birthday as a human. Thank you that your true story will continue to change our hearts over the years to come. That no matter what we all believe, you came for a reason. Thank you for the new year ahead. Bless us all in what you've called us to do in 2014.
From the outside looking in, seeing a bunch of Christians dancing around to a song smiling and just plain going crazy inside or outside church, can look really weird. Weird because most people associate dancing with music and that being reserved for anything but church. Weird because, God and dance may not got together. Weird because dancing is something I might do when Im alone at home cleaning the house, or when Ive had too much to drink and use that as an excuse to be 'FREE' to let myself go.

Dance is a form of expression that comes in many different forms. We pretty much know what feeling it gives us and not all may be good. But in the church, we should feel free to just dance with freedom and joy. Who cares if we cant keep in time with the beat, or all we can do is the robot. Dance anyway. David danced before God in his underpants!! He was a King (Not recommended to do at your church, but at home go for it lol). 


When you realise what you have been saved from everything should change. You are free now. Take ownership of it and dance! Dance brings freedom. So when you next hear a song playing have a good boogie on down in your own unique way like a 10 year old. It will bring a smile to your face and to Gods. 
I've recently just arrived back from a family reunion in my home town. Its always a great time to reconnect with those you grew up with and haven't seen in a long time. For my family, this was the first family reunion of my Grandparents children and their children. I hadn't seen most of them in nearly 10 years, so it was a great opportunity to share stories and have a good catch up.

As you know, I am Maori which is the race of native people of New Zealand. We were able to update our whakapapa (family tree) and sing a well known traditional song of our tribe (Ngati-Porou) called Paikea. 

As a follower of Christ, there were times when my heart yearned for my family to know God like I do. I still pray for my family to live in fullness with God, but letting them see that was the best strategy for them to gain respect and be open to even hearing about God. I know Jesus spent loads of time with those he loved that may not have necessarily followed him at the time, but the time spent made an impact on their hearts. I hope I did the same. 

I noticed that this time, there was not much drinking. Maori whanau (families) love the drink (alcohol) when we are gathered, but the older generation has slowed down, and the younger were very responsible surprisingly. We did encounter a complication with a gang which lasted a little while in the wee hours of the morning, thanks to my uncle who is a policeman and the popo arriving in 4 minutes, that soon dissipated and the next day was spent sorting out how that would not happen again (phonecalls to family of those in that gang etc). Living in one of the worst suburbs that is probably expected.

The rest of the week was spent eating, swimming at the beach, fishing, team games and laughing. 

One thing I would like to say that I got from the experience is the importance of staying connected with family despite their differences, the hurt of the past and where they now live. You only live one life, and knowing you made an effort to connect is something to thankful for. 

Below is my REUNION VLOGS COMPILATION for my family living in Australia who couldnt make it.


Be inspired to stay connected to your family. God loves family... remember you are his too.

Man we are a totally relaxed nation in the way we speak. Our slang has evolved all on its own, and is a fascination to visitors to New Zealand from all over. 

Each island have their own dialects too! I didn't know that. The further south you go, the R sound is accentuated a whole lot more. Different cities and suburbs have their own words. One I learnt as a youth worker in South Auckland was 'Jack!'. Gosh this would do my head in until I understood it properly. Jack meant so many things depending on the conversation.


"Hey, what are you doing?"


"Jaack." Meaning nothing.


"Where did he run off to?"


"Jaack!"  Meaning I don't know or I'm not telling you.


"Who wants noodles for lunch?"


"Jaack!" Meaning "Again?! No thanks".


"Are you ready for your assessments?"


"Jaack" meaning what are those? Or I hate assessments. 


Me: "Your doing so well with your Maths!"

Student: "Jaack" meaning No I'm not, Am I? Or I've never been told I was good at anything so I don't know how to react.

Depending on the person, I knew what the answer meant.

Kiwis have their own way of doing things. I love our slang, and way of talking. Our casual approach to situations still blows me away. I hope we stay that way. Friendly, caring of our neighbors and still able to share a cup of sugar with the lady down the street. 

Now, check out this video that made me laugh. Rhys Darby. Crack up. 


make up

fake up

Make up is not only used on girls but also on guys. And you don't have to be one of my gay friends to do so either guy friend.  But today, I wanna talk about Make Up on a female lady and all her parts involved in the mix. 

I use to view make up as a form of 'fake up'. Covering the real face. Hiding behind a mask that wasn't real. Little did I know that make up can actually cover imperfections like scarring, or enhance certain features of ones face. I didn't realize that it's in a woman's DNA to look and feel beautiful whether foundation is involved or not. It's part of a woman's confidence to stand tall and walk proudly. Don't get me wrong, make up doesn't make this happen at all. But, something can change a woman's confidence when nothing is distracting her focus. 

I like to share personal stories when I blog, so you know I ain't talking out of my butt. Only in the past few years have I started wearing make up on a daily basis. Before then, I sported the 'o natural' bare look called NDAA - Nothing Done At All (Change the letters around and it's NADA).  I didn't know how to wear make up really, and the effort it took to do that put me off. I mean, I would forget to shave my arm pits sometimes in winter and that didn't bother me whatsoever. Make up to me was, lip gloss or Vaseline and eye liner. I learnt that in Kapa Haka (Traditional Maori song and dance) as a kid. I would see girls in malls, or going out with way too much make up or the wrong foundation color that made me believe it was hard. 

My view on make up has changed a lot in the past couple of years. As a performer on stage I had to learn how to enhance features in certain lighting so that my facial expressions would stand out. I didn't want my face to look drowned out, and non existent so I began to learn watching my friends who were getting ready backstage. They taught me the importance of looking flawless on stage. I felt like I was a clown half the time although I had hardly any make up on. I enjoyed the lessons on stage make up though. But what about everyday, not so obvious make up?

Today, I work in a job that requires a natural not overly done face. A face that's approachable by any type of person. So I tend to wear a light coverage BB cream or tinted moisturiser  I color my brows with powder because a lady over waxed one eyebrow so I have to balance them out. Brush some bronzer on, eye shadow, liquid eye liner to open my small eyes up. Mascara and Lip gloss. Yep that does sound like a lot, but even that makes me look like I don't have much on. Without make up every blemish is visible, my eyes are one with my face and mouth lol, and the redness and freckles distract from what I try to convey. Sometimes a little make up can divert the focus onto what really matters. Personality. 

At night or on stage, I use Studio Fix by Mac or Revlon's Colourstay. That way my skin colour is the same and hides all the redness. I have Wasted a lot of money on finding the right foundation though. It's been frustrating as! 


Make up or Fake up?

Definitely  Make up. It makes up for what I don't need to tell people. That underneath it all, I'm still the same person with or without it. Plus... To be honest I'm not any good really at putting it on like amazing kiwi make up artists Mary Estelle, Shannon Harris and Kirsty Green. (Links to their websites are below). They inspire me to help me feel beautiful on the outside practically, but only God can help me believe in internally.

I hope you can be inspired by this blog beautiful woman out there. Make up or not. 

Mary Estelle

Shannon Harris

Kirsty Green

Having a cold one in summer at a bbq is a nice thought since its summer here in New Zealand right now. Its a great social drink that isn't overly thought for the person that drinks it. In the right environment with the right people it adds that element of comfort, and relaxation after a hard week at work, or study. So whats wrong with drinking this while singing praise to God?

I grew up in an environment where alcohol was a normal thing drunk by adults. I would hear them laughing and sometimes singing songs. Joy eventually would turn in anger... and sometimes there would be loud obscenities shouted at one another. This didn't happen often, but I associated alcohol at a young age with angry adults. I did however, drink alcohol as a teen, and would find myself blacking out on some nights. I wasn't angry while drinking, but a little lonely and confused though I wouldnt admit it at the time. In the culture of my country, teens drink to get wasted. Drink to the point of no return pretty much. No boundaries at all. I wonder if generations before us taught us how to drink responsibly? Not sure.

Christians or church goers can view "beer" at a christian event as contradictory. I haven't been to one myself, but have been to a few occasions where christians have been there and drunk too much, therefore loosing themselves in the process. Explanations could be their life before, peer pressure, or lack of boundaries. Whatever it is, alcohol can be a blessing or a curse depending on the persons history with it. My thoughts anyway. Personally, I dont drink with people I dont know. A good beer sounds good to me with a piece of well cooked steak and salad (dinner tonight maybe?). Because of what I do with leading youth, Im more aware of what could cause them to fall if they ever thought I got drunk. 

So how do we educate ourselves, friends, family and young people to drink responsibly. A beerzie with friends doesn't have to turn into a fight near the end of a night. A glass of wine doesn't have to turn into 4 bottles later, with a major headache the next morning. 1 shot doesn't have to turn into a wrong choice and unwanted pregnancy. The 'all or nothing' trend in New Zealand doesn't have to be set in concrete. Maybe we could let God in this subject, ask Jesus to help us enjoy life with the bottle in his wisdom so whats his face (Angel of Self - ya know Satan) doesn't have to lure us into loosing ourselves with it. We can change the way we view beer or alcohol. We can do something different if we want to. The world may not get it, but more people might see that God isn't into religion, but love and truth. Maybe somewhere down the line, a good old beer at a wedding was seen as a joyous drink consumed in celebration. One day we can ask the the person who made the wine, the one who died for us, the one whom can lead us to enjoy something only meant for smooth consumption. AND on that day we could enjoy that drink, singing hymns of praise with the GROOM himself... Our wedding day.

Luke 8 says that a lady that had the issue of blood for so many years, was healed by her faith. I mean what kind of medicine is that? How was it possible that her faith made her well. Even Jesus himself felt the power come out from him when she touched his cloak. Faith must have been the motivation for her to think she could be healed by touching Jesus anyway. 



How much of it do I need to be healed of this ongoing heart problem?

How much faith do I have to muster to be healed of cancer?

Well, I guess as much as it takes for you to believe and fight against a crowd of people who hate the sight of you because of a sickness, push past the insults of the past and touch that cloak.

How much? Just the size of a grain of a mustard seed. Try give that prescription a go... It may only cost your sickness which is the whole point. 

Note: not intended to offend those who have faith and are believing for a miracle healing. It's on it's way. This is for those that want to know how much faith is needed to receive it. The cost is worth the faith. 

Bless ya!


Forgive me Lord for feeling condemned and not good enough for you. I always trip over on the things that kept me captive in the past though they no longer do today. I struggle with believing its that easy to come to you. I've only known you as a God who sits up in heaven punishing us for doing wrong. That's what I thought anyway because people had shown me that about you- scared to even know you. Why try if I'm only gonna fail. I'm glad I know that the media got that wrong about you. Your word says to come to you and lay down my burdens then you will give me rest. That sounds so easy yet I struggle with believing that. Maybe I'm just wanting to punish my self. Thank you that I can find freedom in you even after I have sinned. There is no condemnation in you, I understand that. We condemn ourselves probably coz the world condemns each other. It has become the normal. But... I really want you to forgive me. I know you have now that I have asked. I take off condemnation, so I can be free again. Free again. My daily dose of life... Forgiveness in Freedom.